Strength in suffering.

I recently read a blog post by a fellow migraineur named Kerrie, entitled "True Strength."  Kerrie was outraged by a post she'd read in a chronic pain Facebook group that said, “Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person.”  She argued that being able to be vulnerable and open about your struggles is the true show of strength. 

I completely agree with her.  It's much easier to put on a brave face and pretend like everything is okay.  When you are real with people about your pain, it's scary.  Letting people in is scary.  I used to think the way the author of that Facebook post thinks.  I pretended I was fine and lied to everybody around me, especially my family.  I didn't realize that I was hurting myself and hurting them.  I just wanted my family to not worry about me, but in shutting them out, I made them worry even more because they knew I wasn't telling the whole truth.  And wearing that mask hurt me just as much as it did them.  I didn't know just how much I needed the support of others.  Being strong means doing it by yourself, right?  Wrong.  Being strong means knowing when to let others help carry your burdens.  I wonder just how different all those years could have been if I had just been honest with myself and with those around me.

If you want to read Kerrie's post, here it is: The Daily Headache: True Strength.

Besides being honest with those around me, something else that's been helping me be strong in suffering lately is the book of Philippians, particularly the first chapter.  Paul is writing a letter to the church at Philippi while he is in jail.  First of all, he doesn't just shut down and mourn his circumstances while he's there; he continues his ministry, just in a different way.  Also, he acknowledges that God is using him even in his suffering.  Tim Keller tweeted recently: "God doesn't use us despite our suffering.  He uses us through our suffering."  Along those same lines, Paul says, "And I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel."  Wow.  Talk about faith.  I've been trying (with God's help) to think about my illness in that way.  I often feel like I could be of so much more use to God if I were healthy, but He knows exactly what He's doing.  He can heal me at any moment He chooses, and there's a reason He hasn't yet.  I may not see the whole picture now, but I'm thankful to be able to play whatever tiny part the Lord gives me--even if it's through suffering.