School.

Teaching is actually going really well.  None of my scary dreams about school have come true.  That doesn't mean I'm still not having them though.  I'm just a natural worrier, I guess, and I feel totally incompetent as a teacher.  Other people seem to think I'm pretty good at it.  My assistant principal thought I'd been teaching for years, and my head principal volunteered me to be observed by an education student from Ole Miss.  I think they just happen to walk in my room at the right moments.  They only see the good things.  They don't walk in when I'm trying to give directions and have to say it three times before it makes sense or when 15 out of my 28 students are running around the room and yelling at each other.  Not that that's a bad thing.  I'd much rather them think I'm good at what I do.  I just think they have a heightened opinion.  I know I'm not as good as they think.  But that's okay.  I'm steadily getting better, and I'm enjoying (almost) every moment of it.

Thank God I'm not an architect.

Busy.

Life as a grown-up is even busier than life as a college kid.  I leave for work every morning at 6 and don't get home until 5:30.  Working such long hours is exhausting in itself, not even counting the migraines.  Unfortunately I've had to take pain medicine like it's candy in order to keep up with all my work and all my ninth-graders.  I'm a little concerned that I'm going to end up with a rebound headache and have to be hospitalized again.  When you take medicine for migraines often (even Advil) over a long period of time, the brain sort of rewires itself and doesn't respond to any medication at all.  Then the only way to get out of rebound is to take lots of really strong pain medicine (like morphine) to "break" the headache or find a preventative that works.  Finding a preventative that works is a lot harder while on rebound, though, because the headache isn't very responsive to medication.  In other words, the elves learn your tricks and come up with new plans to do what they want to do.  They're clever little guys.  Then the only way you can get them back to normal is to knock 'em out real good.

Dreams.

Nearly every night for the past few weeks I've had dreams about the first day of school--all of them bad.  Either my students refuse to listen to me or they put a substitute in my room because they don't think I'm a real teacher or I forget to go over classroom procedures or any given combination of the three.  I really hope these dreams aren't prophetic.

Options.

I've been playing phone tag with the doctor.  He's ultra dedicated and likes to make phone calls after 9 P.M.  In case you don't know, I don't answer my phone after 9 P.M; that's bedtime.  So I haven't started any new medication yet.  I'm still just on all the stuff I was taking before I went to the new doctor.  However, Mom sent me a link to a news video about neurostimulators made specifically for headaches.  In the past they sort of Macgyvered stimulators made for the back to work for headaches, but now there's one actually made for the head.  It's sort of a big deal.  I considered the retrofitted one some, but then it never happened.  Now that this has been developed I have a-whole-nother set of options to consider.  I haven't done much research, but it's a new procedure and the doctor doing all the research is in Dallas.  That means I can't even pursue it until next summer, but it's definitely something to be thinking about.

Here's the link if you're interested: ttp://video.foxnews.com/v/1081807854001/new-technology-treats-migraine-headaches

Update--finally.

The last time I blogged I promised an update on my upcoming doctor visit.  I do realize it's been quite a while since then.  The problem is the new medicine the doctor prescribed for me makes me super sleepy, so I've been using all my free time to sleep rather than blog.  I talked to the doctor about it a couple of weeks ago, and he said if things didn't get better soon, I'd just have to try something else.  Unfortunately things haven't gotten better.  I actually stopped taking the medicine yesterday because I've been too sleepy to function and have way too much to do to sleep all day.  The clinic has a really neat e-mail sort of thing, and I sent the doctor a message yesterday, so hopefully he'll get back with me tomorrow about trying something new. 

I really like the doctor, though.  He sat and talked with me for an entire hour during my appointment.  He didn't write me off when I  handed him my list of the 40 medications I've tried, and he was able to think of a handful more that I can try.  So all in all it was a good experience, and I really hope he's able to think of something that will help.  Thanks to all of you who have asked how it went.  It means a lot.

Living with elves.

Life with the elves has been pretty rough the past couple of weeks.  They just won't give me a break.  They're so excited about summer that they just party all day every day.  And if you've ever had a party inside your brain (a non-drug-induced party, that is), you know that it's not very fun.  Because it's summer and I'm living in a new place and thus want to make friends, I've tried to have a little bit of a social life.  I've been fairly successful, but only because I medicate myself before every social function.   I have to sedate the elves so they'll give me a break.  I've been trying to plan for school a little, but the elves don't like it when I do that either.  I guess I take some of my brain power away from their party so their loud music and strobe lights don't work as well.  Then they get mad and try to take it back--usually successfully. 

The potentially good news is I go to a new doctor Wednesday (any and all prayers are greatly appreciated), and supposedly he's suffered from migraines himself.  It will be nice to get a different perspective--and from someone who's been there.  Going to a new doctor is always a bit of a pain because I have to explain seven years of my life and then see his shock when I hand him a list of the 40 medications I've tried without success.  I'm making Christian go with me to the doctor to listen for me when I get stressed or start hurting and tune out what he's saying--and to make sure I don't minimize my condition.  Hopefully it will be a good experience, and hopefully he'll have an idea none of my other doctors have had.  I'll be sure to update you after my appointment (if the elves will give me permission, that is--darn those elves).

Exercise, for real.

I've made plans to exercise a million times and then never followed through for more than a week, but recently that's changed.  While I was in E'ville, I walked most days with my mom.  Now that I don't have Jones right down the road or Mom to walk with, I joined a gym.  I've been going at least three times a week since I moved.  (It's only week three, but I still think that's an accomplishment.)  I'm able to do more and more every time I go, too.  It's nice.  I feel like I'm in control rather than my headache being in control.  For so long I've put off exercising because it makes my head hurt and I get tired really easily, but this time I've had the patience to slowly work my way up to exercising.  When I started at the beginning of May I could only walk half a mile at a time, and now I can walk two.  Today I walked a mile and then biked two miles.  I'm really proud of myself if you can't tell.  Like I said, it makes me feel like I may be able to beat this headache after all.

Life in Memphis.

I've been in Memphis almost three weeks now, and I'm loving it.  Life in Memphis is a little different from life in Ellisville (or Starkville, for that matter).  I don't run into somebody I know everywhere I go.  The mailman brings the mail right to my door.  None of my neighbors own cows--or four-wheelers.  And nobody knows about show choir. 

So Memphis is different, but I like it.  I miss Jones County a little, but who wouldn't?

The waiting game.

The Waiting Game is my least favorite game.  Seriously, it's worse than Risk or Monopoly--and usually lasts even longer.  As such, the last few months have been pretty difficult.  I feel like all I've done since February is wait--wait to hear back from grad school applications, wait to hear about financial aid, wait for a job interview, wait for a place to live.  In case you've forgotten, I plan like it's my job, and not being able to do that has been difficult for me.  I used to tell people that my biggest fear isn't spiders or heights or something else on the list of obviously scary things; my biggest fear is uncertainty.  I hate not knowing.  I need a plan always.

However, God knows that about me.  And He wants to change that about me.  So He makes me wait.  Every decision in my life over the past few years has been sort of last minute.  I plan and plan and plan, but then at the very last minute something happens that makes no logical sense at all and trumps all my plans.  The Waiting Game part of that is frustrating, but nothing is more comforting than knowing what's happening in my life can only be the result of my Father's planning--not my own.

Like I said, I've waited and waited all semester for "the plan".  I even graduated and had no clue what I was going to do or where I was going to live or how I was going to pay for groceries.  I think the whole time I was stressing over it God was giggling a little and saying to the angels, "Hey, watch this!"  Because He knew the whole time what He was going to do.  And He knew the whole time that it was going to be way better than what I thought I needed or wanted.

Well, long story short, I now have a job.  I'm going to be living in Memphis with a couple of friends and working at Horn Lake High School teaching ninth grade English.  I don't know that I've ever been more excited about anything before.  And looking back at the way the Lord brought me here is absolutely amazing.  The Waiting Game was well worth it. 

Plans.

So I graduate in a week.

And I have no idea what I'm doing.

Thank you, real world.

Blog-worthy.

Today is a blog-worthy day.  I don't have those often lately (obviously), but today really calls for a blog.

For those of you who don't know, I graduate in three and a half weeks.  Scary.  And I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation.  Even more scary.  I've applied to grad schools and have worked on some job applications for teaching jobs, trying to keep my options open.  As of yesterday I decided to go to grad school in the fall.  Decision made.  Weight lifted.

Or so I thought.

Today we had a mandatory education interview day at school.  We were required to sign up for at least two interviews, whether we planned on getting a job or not.  Right before my first interview I was telling a friend, "Yeah, I decided to go to grad school, so I don't really care how these interviews go."

Until...

My first interview went SO STINKIN' WELL!  The guy pretty much offered me a job right on the spot and told me he's going to start calling me and bugging me if he doesn't hear from me in a couple of weeks.  He was super impressed with me (for some reason that is beyond me...), and he has almost talked me into getting a job now.  So I'm applying for jobs again.

It's funny how God's plan always prevails. 

Help.

As you know, my life-saving medication--Darvocet--has been withdrawn from the market.  I've looked around and found a few email addresses of people/organizations that can possibly fix the problem.  If you have a few minutes, it would mean a lot to me if you would shoot these people an email.  I'm trying to email them every day that I get a chance.  I have all of the email addresses and more info on my other blog.  Here's a link:


http://whenlifesaheadache.blogspot.com/2011/03/emailing.html

Thanks for your help.

Bingo.

Some of my Phi Lamb sisters and I went to a nursing home today and played bingo with some of the residents.  I was a little nervous about it because nursing homes can be depressing.  I actually really enjoyed it though. 

The first lady I talked to asked me if I was coming back on April 20.  When I asked why she said, "That's the day I'm getting married.  This is my fiance," and she pointed to the man sitting next to her. 

"Oh, congratulations!  What are you going to wear to the wedding?" 

"I'm going to wear my purple dress that I've never worn before.  He really likes purple, and I do too."

A little while later a lady came in and asked for somebody to help her catch up with the rest of the group, and I volunteered.  She was the sweetest old lady ever.  I moved a chair to her table, and she moved her walker out of the way and tried to scoot her chair closer to me.  (Don't worry; I told her to stop and moved my chair instead.)  She told me more than once how glad she was that I was helping her.  One time she looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you."  We had little prizes for winners, and she won a necklace and a Diet Coke. 

She told me, "Thanks for helping me.  I never would have won this Diet Coke without you." 

"Yes, and your necklace too!"

"Oh, I forgot about my necklace!  I'm so proud of this necklace.  Isn't it pretty?

She forgot about her necklace and then remembered again about three different times.  Every time she was so excited about it.

She also made sure I had bingo chips to play with so I could help her.  When I pointed to a number for her to put a chip on, she grinned and reminded me that I have chips.  One time this happened I laughed and told her I forgot I had them.  She said, "I put them there when you weren't looking!"  She also moved the bingo card between us so that I could play too.  So.  Cute.

There was another lady sitting at our table.  She wasn't quite as happy.  Every time somebody at one certain table won, she'd say, "They're cheaters over there.  They always cheat.  I never cheat.  You're watching me.  If anybody says I'm cheating you know I'm not because you've been watching me."  She also complained about other people being too loud and about the girls not calling the numbers fast enough for her.  She did tell me when we were finished that she "immensely enjoyed it."  She was quite the character.

I really enjoyed spending time with these ladies.  Sort of makes me want to hang out with old people more often.  Sort of.

Student teaching.

My lack of blogging over the past month and a half has been mostly due to my student teaching.  I'm teaching all senior English classes at the local high school, and it's keeping me quite busy.  I enjoy it most days.  I've read so many research papers I can write MLA citations in my sleep.  (No, really, I see them every time I close my eyes.)  I have managed to never ever have to go to the cafeteria.  (I don't even know where it is.)  And I've taught my mentor teacher how to use a computer.  (Actually, we're still working on that.)

Overall it's been a really good experience so far.  I have a good relationship with my mentor teacher.  I don't think I could have asked for a better one.  She really helps me out, she's super organized, and she's as sarcastic as I am.  What more could a girl ask for?  I like the kids too.  There are a few who get on my nerves and a few I just really can't understand, but I still like them.  The best news I have about my semester is that my little head has tolerated it far better than I expected.  I still hurt most days, and I have to go straight to bed when I get home lots of times, but I've also had several good days.  It's made me feel confident that I can have a job one day and even be able to enjoy it.

All the single ladies.

I recently ran across a bit of wisdom for all of us single ladies.

My sorority is doing a Bible study about women of the Bible, and it's really fantastic.  We only got one book for each group, but I took the only extra one we ordered (presidential privilege, I guess), so I've been reading ahead.  I love it.

So wisdom.  Abigail.  To refresh your memory, Abigail was married to a mean man.  David and his friends were hanging out on Mean Husband's land and helped take care of his sheep.  Because they'd helped him out, they asked for a little reimbursement.  Mean Husband didn't like that idea.  So David and company got mad and decided to do what any well-meaning and underpaid group of guys would do--kill Mean Husband and his entire family.  Some of David's company who weren't so fond of blood went to Mean Husband's wife, Abigail, and warned her of the situation.  Abigail went to David with all sorts of goodies and begged him to spare her husband.  Needless to say, David obliged.  Mean Husband died, and David married Abigail.

So how does this apply to single ladies?  Abigail was married, and to a jerk at that.  My great Women of the Bible book says this:

"Abigail reminds us that women should not hide their strengths in an effort to be acceptable to men.  Many weak men want women who are less intelligent and less confident than themselves.  In hiding their strengths for fear they will put off potential dates or marriage, many women disguise the very qualities that might make them attractive to stronger, confident, godly men."

So be encouraged, fellow single gals.  It's okay to turn down the mediocre guys.  Be strong and confident and you'll attract the strong and confident men.  I think that's worth waiting for.

I miss break.

I miss break already, and all I've done is drive to Starkville and hang some clothes up in my closet.  I've never been a big fan of sharing a bathroom with two teenage boys and living out of a suitcase, but today I kind of miss it.  I miss having no stairs.  My apartment is on the second floor and just walking down and back up taking the dog out wore me out.  Speaking of the dog, I also miss my dog not being crazy.  It's like she's never even been here before.  She forgot she's lived here since July with the exception of the past month.  She growls at the roommates' dog and won't leave my side.  Even as I type she's curled up next to me.  I also miss not waking up until 9 or 10.  I would say I miss Mom cooking for me, but my roommate cooked for me tonight so I can't complain there.

There are a few perks to school starting back though--probably the most exciting being my bed.  I love my bed, especially after sleeping in Mason's for a month.  Boys don't have fluffy beds with lots of blankets and pillows.  It will also be nice to be in a routine again.  I kind of miss that about school.  That's it.  I can't think of any more perks about school starting back.  None.  Two pros to three cons isn't bad, I guess.  I'll enjoy it more once it starts, I'm sure...  Won't I?