Steps of faith.

Taking a step of faith is never a comfortable thing.  If it were comfortable, we wouldn't need faith in the first place.  This week the Lord has asked me to take a giant step of faith, and quite frankly it's the most difficult thing I've ever done.

I have quit my job and am applying for disability.  I was planning on sticking it out until the end of the semester, but I couldn't make it that far.  Through some uncomfortable circumstances, the Lord brought me face-to-face with the fact that keeping going isn't benefiting anybody.  I thought persevering was the strong thing to do.  I was wrong.  It's taken more guts to quit than it did to stick with it.  Staying at my job, though difficult with the migraine, was comfortable.  There was security there.  I was taking the comfortable road instead of the best road.

Resigning was a step of faith.  Faith that the Lord will take care of my students when I'm not there.  Faith that He'll provide for me financially.  Faith that He'll take care of me emotionally.  Faith that He'll improve my health. 

People often say that doing the right thing makes you feel good.  If the decision you're making is the right one, you'll feel relief and peace once you've made it.  That isn't always true.  It's still hard even after I've made the decision.  I know it's the right one though.  Faith wouldn't be faith if it always made you feel good.

Thanks to everyone who's supported me through this.  I couldn't have made it (and still can't) without you.

I forgot I had a blog.

I go in for surgery Monday morning.  I'm very excited and also very nervous.  I guess you call that feeling anxious...  They're going to be putting all sorts of wires under my skin like a cyborg, which is kind of gross.  I could probably get a job in a Star Trek movie if--scratch that--when they come out with another one.

The scariest thing and also the most exciting thing about having surgery is the idea that I'll get to have a life again.  I don't remember how to live without having to be ultra careful all the time.  I was in high school the last time I didn't have to worry about whether something would trigger a migraine.  It will be an adventure, for sure.

Small things.

Life is hard with a constant migraine.  I've hit lots of dead ends lately, and it's more than a little frustrating.  But I'm learning to celebrate the small things.

Tiny wins are still wins.  Here are a few I've had the past week:

• getting to have lunch with my dear friend Michele
• having a long talk with my sweet brother Mason
• singing songs of love to my Savior
• safely driving all the way to Memphis
• being ultra productive the day before I go back to school

Each moment I'm alive is a reason to celebrate.  Thank you, Lord, for humbling me and helping me appreciate the small things.