Dreams.

Nearly every night for the past few weeks I've had dreams about the first day of school--all of them bad.  Either my students refuse to listen to me or they put a substitute in my room because they don't think I'm a real teacher or I forget to go over classroom procedures or any given combination of the three.  I really hope these dreams aren't prophetic.

Options.

I've been playing phone tag with the doctor.  He's ultra dedicated and likes to make phone calls after 9 P.M.  In case you don't know, I don't answer my phone after 9 P.M; that's bedtime.  So I haven't started any new medication yet.  I'm still just on all the stuff I was taking before I went to the new doctor.  However, Mom sent me a link to a news video about neurostimulators made specifically for headaches.  In the past they sort of Macgyvered stimulators made for the back to work for headaches, but now there's one actually made for the head.  It's sort of a big deal.  I considered the retrofitted one some, but then it never happened.  Now that this has been developed I have a-whole-nother set of options to consider.  I haven't done much research, but it's a new procedure and the doctor doing all the research is in Dallas.  That means I can't even pursue it until next summer, but it's definitely something to be thinking about.

Here's the link if you're interested: ttp://video.foxnews.com/v/1081807854001/new-technology-treats-migraine-headaches

Update--finally.

The last time I blogged I promised an update on my upcoming doctor visit.  I do realize it's been quite a while since then.  The problem is the new medicine the doctor prescribed for me makes me super sleepy, so I've been using all my free time to sleep rather than blog.  I talked to the doctor about it a couple of weeks ago, and he said if things didn't get better soon, I'd just have to try something else.  Unfortunately things haven't gotten better.  I actually stopped taking the medicine yesterday because I've been too sleepy to function and have way too much to do to sleep all day.  The clinic has a really neat e-mail sort of thing, and I sent the doctor a message yesterday, so hopefully he'll get back with me tomorrow about trying something new. 

I really like the doctor, though.  He sat and talked with me for an entire hour during my appointment.  He didn't write me off when I  handed him my list of the 40 medications I've tried, and he was able to think of a handful more that I can try.  So all in all it was a good experience, and I really hope he's able to think of something that will help.  Thanks to all of you who have asked how it went.  It means a lot.

Living with elves.

Life with the elves has been pretty rough the past couple of weeks.  They just won't give me a break.  They're so excited about summer that they just party all day every day.  And if you've ever had a party inside your brain (a non-drug-induced party, that is), you know that it's not very fun.  Because it's summer and I'm living in a new place and thus want to make friends, I've tried to have a little bit of a social life.  I've been fairly successful, but only because I medicate myself before every social function.   I have to sedate the elves so they'll give me a break.  I've been trying to plan for school a little, but the elves don't like it when I do that either.  I guess I take some of my brain power away from their party so their loud music and strobe lights don't work as well.  Then they get mad and try to take it back--usually successfully. 

The potentially good news is I go to a new doctor Wednesday (any and all prayers are greatly appreciated), and supposedly he's suffered from migraines himself.  It will be nice to get a different perspective--and from someone who's been there.  Going to a new doctor is always a bit of a pain because I have to explain seven years of my life and then see his shock when I hand him a list of the 40 medications I've tried without success.  I'm making Christian go with me to the doctor to listen for me when I get stressed or start hurting and tune out what he's saying--and to make sure I don't minimize my condition.  Hopefully it will be a good experience, and hopefully he'll have an idea none of my other doctors have had.  I'll be sure to update you after my appointment (if the elves will give me permission, that is--darn those elves).

Exercise, for real.

I've made plans to exercise a million times and then never followed through for more than a week, but recently that's changed.  While I was in E'ville, I walked most days with my mom.  Now that I don't have Jones right down the road or Mom to walk with, I joined a gym.  I've been going at least three times a week since I moved.  (It's only week three, but I still think that's an accomplishment.)  I'm able to do more and more every time I go, too.  It's nice.  I feel like I'm in control rather than my headache being in control.  For so long I've put off exercising because it makes my head hurt and I get tired really easily, but this time I've had the patience to slowly work my way up to exercising.  When I started at the beginning of May I could only walk half a mile at a time, and now I can walk two.  Today I walked a mile and then biked two miles.  I'm really proud of myself if you can't tell.  Like I said, it makes me feel like I may be able to beat this headache after all.

Life in Memphis.

I've been in Memphis almost three weeks now, and I'm loving it.  Life in Memphis is a little different from life in Ellisville (or Starkville, for that matter).  I don't run into somebody I know everywhere I go.  The mailman brings the mail right to my door.  None of my neighbors own cows--or four-wheelers.  And nobody knows about show choir. 

So Memphis is different, but I like it.  I miss Jones County a little, but who wouldn't?

The waiting game.

The Waiting Game is my least favorite game.  Seriously, it's worse than Risk or Monopoly--and usually lasts even longer.  As such, the last few months have been pretty difficult.  I feel like all I've done since February is wait--wait to hear back from grad school applications, wait to hear about financial aid, wait for a job interview, wait for a place to live.  In case you've forgotten, I plan like it's my job, and not being able to do that has been difficult for me.  I used to tell people that my biggest fear isn't spiders or heights or something else on the list of obviously scary things; my biggest fear is uncertainty.  I hate not knowing.  I need a plan always.

However, God knows that about me.  And He wants to change that about me.  So He makes me wait.  Every decision in my life over the past few years has been sort of last minute.  I plan and plan and plan, but then at the very last minute something happens that makes no logical sense at all and trumps all my plans.  The Waiting Game part of that is frustrating, but nothing is more comforting than knowing what's happening in my life can only be the result of my Father's planning--not my own.

Like I said, I've waited and waited all semester for "the plan".  I even graduated and had no clue what I was going to do or where I was going to live or how I was going to pay for groceries.  I think the whole time I was stressing over it God was giggling a little and saying to the angels, "Hey, watch this!"  Because He knew the whole time what He was going to do.  And He knew the whole time that it was going to be way better than what I thought I needed or wanted.

Well, long story short, I now have a job.  I'm going to be living in Memphis with a couple of friends and working at Horn Lake High School teaching ninth grade English.  I don't know that I've ever been more excited about anything before.  And looking back at the way the Lord brought me here is absolutely amazing.  The Waiting Game was well worth it.